Meta Conversations Help Us Avoid Mega Problems!

Do you have subjects that you and your partner always fight about? Or other subjects you avoid? Do your shoulders tense or your stomach drops as soon as certain things are brought up?

Because if this is ever you:... I freak out when this is brought up... or I get tongue tied... or I am worried my partner is going to judge me... or I get immediately defensive... these are signs you need to talk about how you talk. A meta conversation is just this, looking at the big picture, at how you communicate. In a meta conversation, you discuss where you get stuck, what works well, how you can improve areas of your relationship.

You CAN have a different experience about problem areas! For me, right now, I can talk about sex all day. I can share what I want and need, but as soon as it's time to talk about money - saving money, spending, investing money, I feel drained, I feel incompetent, I feel overwhelmed. This doubles when I talk about money with my honey.

It's time for a meta conversation if you... notice that you always fight or feel distant after discussing certain subjects... can't make any headway... go numb or escalate... or get shut down...

Just yesterday, my husband and I were able to have a different experience about money stuff because we have been having meta conversations about how we talk about money. Our tools are pointing out when we felt triggered, taking deep breaths, trying our best to use positive, caring language. We congratulated ourselves..."Hey, we did better there!"

You can have more ease and connection, even around the most difficult subjects! The main steps are to have a meta conversation where you:

🫦 Identify an area you struggle to communicate about.

🫦 Get in touch with and share what happens to your body when you discuss this subject.

🫦 Decide what intention you would like when talking about this subject. This could be: feeling close; listening to one another's point of view; slowing down; being able to come to a compromise.

🫦 Choose a few simple tools like: we'll take deep breaths as we talk; or take notes which will help us focus; or walk while we talk which helps with perspective.

🫦 Share key values that feel important about this subject.

👄 As you try different approaches, check in and assess how you are doing, adjust as needed. Small improvements add up over time!

Here are some common helpful meta conversations in the areas of Kisses, Bites and Pets, the three ingredients we all need in relationship.

Kiss Me - How to feel adored and cherished
💞 Have a meta conversation about your romantic expectations. This especially helps if you become romance scorekeepers, cataloguing who planned or provided what. Have a meta conversation about how to honor one another's contribution.

💞 Have a meta conversation about your expectations and hopes for romantic holidays or anniversaries.

Bite Me - How to feel alive and vital

💖 Have a meta conversation, outside the bedroom to improve how you talk about what you want sexually. Especially if you have tried to ask for what you want and felt unheard or appeased as in, "yes, I know you want more foreplay" but then it doesn't happen.

💖 Have a meta conversation about what support looks like when one of you wants to talk about your dreams for the future.

Pet Me - How to feel safe and supported

💓 Have a meta conversation about what support you need if you are angry. It can be especially hard to know how to help one another with intense emotions. Have a meta conversation apart from those heated moments.

💓 Have a meta conversation about what happens if either one of you has a hard time making decisions. What is it like for you and your partner if one of you is indecisive and how can you support one another to move forward?